Reasons

I used to believe that everything happened for a reason.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you'd like them to because God has another plan for you or because He needs you to be somewhere other than where you think you should be.

Recently I've had some experiences that have meant the world to me. Little things. But they meant so much.

Today was a faith building kind of day. I woke up "on the wrong side of the bed". If you know me at all (Elizabeth) you know that I am NOT a morning person. Today was no exception. Typically I prefer not speaking for the first few hours. Another side effect of not being a morning person, I don't want to be touched, so being jammed into a bus with thousands of Ukrainians like a sardine, not my cup of tea first thing in the morning. Fast forward to leaving for work. I'm walking to the bus stop and I see a trolleybus, my trolleybus, pass by. I missed it. And it was nearly empty! Which is rare during "rush hour". I was frustrated. If I had just left 2 minutes earlier I could've been on that bus, with my perfectly unviolated bubble. Now I had to wait and wait and wait, and it was cold. So I waited. Next trolleybus comes and just my luck, its full. Me and 25 more people miraculously make it on to the trolleybus. Still grumpy we get to the metro stop where everyone gets off, myself included. That's when I see the reason I missed that first bus...

An acquaintance of mine, who happens to be blind, was on the same trolleybus. I had the opportunity of helping him. But here's the kicker. I had seen him on the same route several months before, and didn't help, just watched to make sure he made it okay because I was too scared to actually do anything. Today was my chance to do it right. It turned out to be an amazing blessing in my life and hopefully at least a little blessing in his. We had a great conversation and he was grateful. My perspective changed dramatically. Instead of thinking about all the things that were not right in my life, I started instead to think about how grateful I was for the things I did have. I had an "everything happens for a reason" moment and a flicker of that faith that I once had at all times. What a huge blessing! And I made a new friend!

Then after my morning classes I decided to go for a walk outside to enjoy the rare sunshine, and off my beaten path I found a lady selling an item that I previously thought could not be found in Ukraine. Some friends had been looking for ice grippers, and I could not find them anywhere, nor had I ever seen anyone(except Americans) wearing them. But lo and behold today I found some being sold. Not only that but I was able to talk to the lady about them, their cost, her "schedule" for her sidewalk shop, and other locations where they could be bought. I was able to communicate...in a language that I previously thought I would NEVER be able to speak!

It boosted my confidence in myself and my abilities and tonight I ordered pizza for delivery and I did it in Russian! And then had an effective conversation with the door lady of the apartment building.

So even though I am not fluent, and my Russian is most definitely not perfect...I'm going to bask in this moment for just a little bit. I spend so much time beating myself up for not being better. It's kind of nice to appreciate my progress for a change.

So...everything happens for a reason. Either to give a chance to be Heavenly Father's hands and serve/bless others, to humble us, or to make us realize that we might just have a little awesome in us... If you're frustrated because things aren't going the way you expected them to...open your eyes, maybe there is a reason things are happening the way that they are and not the way you wanted them to. Don't let your frustration keep you from seeing opportunities where ever you go and in whatever you do.

Be you. Everyone else is already taken.

A friend of mine just started a blog. It's amazing. Every post makes me think and then makes me want to be better.

One particular post talked about wanting to be someone else and baggage. Everyone compares themselves to others. I do. I'm pretty sure you do. He does. She does. Even those people that everyone wants to be...they do. Its human nature to compare ourselves to others. But we need to stop.

"We spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strength" (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Forget Me Not). Our weaknesses to their strengths! And they do the same with us. We are not perfect. They are not perfect. And we are all imperfect in different ways. So my current goal: To want to be me and nobody else.

I also thought about baggage. We all have it. I've actually been struggling with mine A LOT lately. But I realized that I would much rather have my baggage than anyone else's. I wouldn't want to go through what my family members go through. I wouldn't want to go through what my friends are going through. I wouldn't want to go through what millions, trillions, billions of strangers are going through right now. I wouldn't want to go through what my ancestors went through. I wouldn't even want to go through what I went through in the past! Sometimes I feel like I have it hard, like I got the short end of the stick, or that life isn't fair. But if you look at it with those glasses on, it isn't fair to anyone. How about you change your prescription? The current prescription on your glasses is incorrect, its messing up your vision, making it blurry. So switch. See clearly. See the positive. And realize why other people want to be you, with your baggage, with your imperfections, everything. No matter who you are, there is still someone out there who would love to be you! So why not be one of those people?

So many people love me, warts and all. And I love so many people, warts and all. I couldn't imagine myself not loving them. So why don't I feel the same about myself?
Because I'm human, and because in order to want to change I must feel discontent (hopefully divine discontent). Its what drives us to always want to be better. But instead of focusing on what I'm not so great at, how about balancing it a little more. Don't focus on the weaknesses, it destroys our self esteem and confidence. Don't focus on only the good, that makes us cocky and gives us a huge ego. How about a good healthy balance?

And the real thought that came from Justin's post...

Do we sometimes choose our baggage? Or choose to keep lugging it around with us?
Could I choose to stop loving that person who doesn't love me back? Could I choose to forget all the things that have happened in my life? Or could I at least forgive? Forgive myself, forgive others, even if I don't understand why? Could I stop
hurting and start healing?

Friends. I want your opinions. How do you get over your issues? How to you stop dragging your baggage with you? How do you lighten your load?

Happy New Year!

What better way to start the new year than with a blog post? This morning I went on a walk with a dog I'm sitting. I was surprised at how many people were out! It was a beautifully sunny albeit icy day. And it was great watching all of the people and having them watch us. This dog is absolutely beautiful! We get a lot of attention when we're out and about. I kind of like it. He's a Vizslas dog, which is a breed that originated from Hungary. Gorgeous GORGEOUS dog! Here, let me show you:

Is that not a majestically beautiful dog? That's what I thought. So needless to say we get a lot of attention. People commenting on how beautiful...people staring, watching, gawking...and of course wishing they had a dog as beautiful as him. Just kidding. But maybe. I know I wish I had one. So today we were walking and passed some of the great sites in Kiev. St. Sophia's and St. Michael's cathedrals. Like I said there were lots of people around, so it made it especially fun. Well on our way home, just as we were passing St. Sophia's, my walking companion spotted a pigeon. This pigeon was perched ever-so-comfortably on a windowsill, definitely too high to jump to, but just low enough to tease the dog. So like a statue he stood. As streams of people walked by they would glance at me, and then they'd notice the dog, poised to attack. Quickly looking in the direction he was intently staring they'd see our pigeon friend and smile. Some would just smile and walk on, some would stop and watch for a bit, intrigued by the scene, some would snap photos with their fancy cameras(I felt like I was being paparazzi'd), but always ALWAYS they would smile. Even more entertaining was that every few minutes he would ever so slowly tiptoe a inch closer. These were the best moments. Everyone would literally stop in their tracks, inhale, and hold their breath while he moved, anticipating his attack. There were literally walking traffic jams. In the meantime, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying, because I've been watching this for 20 minutes. The dog, with his patience. The people and their reactions. And the bird, surely laughing inside and saying, "Neener neener, you can't get me!". And me knowing deep down that he won't attack, he'll barely even move. Oh how I love people! I love watching them, I love reading them, I just love them...simply love them! I will not tell you that people here don't smile on the streets, because they do. BUT it's not like it is anywhere else that you're used to (aka America). Smiles are reserved for friends, not strangers. People mind their own business and 95% of the time just keep walking. So this spectacle...so much attention and SO many smiles, was a beautiful sight. I love Ukraine so much. And I'm so grateful for today's experience for reminding me of that, because sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and in our own stuff that its hard to appreciate how awesome our lives really are. I think it was a perfect way to start the new year. Hope your's was as great as mine. Best of wishes to all of my loved ones(so all of you) this new year. May it bring you the happiness, balance, peace, joy, love, fun, and adventure you desire. Thanks for being a part of my life and for shaping who I am today! <3

I Dreamed a Dream

This morning I had a dream. I was crossing an old bridge over a large body of water with a big group of friends. As we were crossing the bridge collapsed. At first I thought, oh the water isn't very far, it's okay, we'll just have to swim. But then we kept falling and falling and falling. And we fell faster and faster and faster. I distinctly remember the point at which I knew I was going to die. It's like the moment in the airplane when you're about to land, you can feel how fast you're going, you can see the ground quickly approaching, and you know if anything goes wrong you're toast, so you hold your breath, or grip the hand rests, or close your eyes, or all of the above. I remember the thoughts that ran through my head. The regrets, the sadness for those I was leaving behind, and then peace. I woke up so sad. I died, I said my dying prayers, and I remembered it. I rarely remember my dreams, and even more rarely do I remember them being so vivid. My roommate said that in Ukraine dying in my dreams means that I'm going live for a very long time. Here are some other interpretations of it. "To dream that you are crossing a bridge signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. If the bridge is over water, then it suggests that your transition will be an emotional one. If you fall off the bridge and into the water, then the dream indicates that you are letting your emotions hold you back and prevent you from moving forward. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to "bridge" or connect two things together. To see a bridge collapse in your dream implies that you have let an important opportunity pass you by." "To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something." I have been trying to change a lot of things within myself lately, so these interpretations seem very promising to me. On another note I have recently had opportunities to deal with situations the way I normally would or to do so as my new self, with maturity and faith. I hope I can continue to be better each and every day. In pondering all of this today I had an enlightening moment. My life flows with the seasons. At first I though it was simply a coincidence, but for years it has been the same. Springtime brings renewed energy and motivation. Lifted spirits and hope. Summertime brings intense challenges(mostly inner) and incredible inner growth, development, and transitioning. Fall (to be determined...haven't really figured it out yet) Winter brings feelings of togetherness and love until Christmas and then hibernation and/or "struggling to stay awake" throughout the rest of the winter months. Winter isn't usually fun for me after the holidays pass. I get the winter blues and am fighting to not be miserable. This last winter I discovered how much vitamins can help. Vitamin D took me from feeling like I was numbly walking through a fog to feeling like myself again, having hope and motivation to do better and be better. I'm looking forward to all the changes that are going to happen in my life over the upcoming year, or two, or three. I love the person I am becoming. I love all of my friends and family and the support and friendship they have offered me, through good times and bad. You are amazing and I love you!

"Its Blazing Cold!"

This is my thermometer. I know how cold its going to be before I ever step foot outside based on how much frost is on my door.



Looks are deceiving! You see the sun shining brightly outside and your brain thinks, warmth and melting snow. In Ukraine I think that means the opposite. The sunnier the day, the colder it seems to be. Its quite the anomaly!




All bundled up Ukrainian style :)







My week old boots decided they didn't like this weather. They are protesting. Time to visit the shoe repair shop. That's what I get for buying boots for 60 grievna.($8) But they were so practical. They have great tread, they're warm, they're waterproof, and they were uber cheap! Darn winter, being too wintery for my winter boots :P





Sure is pretty though.



Too bad it's deadly...(click the link for details).


Holey boots, frozen fingers, and a numbed nose wishing you lots of warmth to get you through the rest of winter.

Lazy Days

Sometimes you just need a lazy day. Or two. Sleep in all day. Do next to nothing. How relaxing.
But now I'm ready to get back to life. One thing that I've remembered while doing nothing is how much I need to do something. I need to be working on something. Always striving to be better. Today I didn't do that and I feel like a bum. Better today than yesterday! Starting now. I'm excited for tomorrow, well now today. Its Sunday and the perfect day for me to reflect, evaluate, and set goals. And then I get to start fresh on Monday.
This is exactly what I needed. I got so sucked into my life, surviving work and trying to make everyone else happy that I seemed to have forgotten about myself. Time to make sure I have my oxygen mask on. I need to build myself up too. Not just others. Otherwise I will have no strength to give to others.
Thanks to all of my amazing friends who have supported me, uplifted me, guided me, inspired me, and who still love me even on my worst days. I want to grow up to be just like you!

TGIF

Its Friday and what better way to celebrate a Friday on vacation than to be lazy all day long! I slept in, ate breakfast, watched a tv show, took a 4 hour nap, watched another tv episode, chatted with some friends, then went to the mall where I met up with friends, ate dinner, and did some light shopping. I found some stuff I've been needing back in Kyiv, and they were Walmart priced. Which they most definitely are not in Ukraine. Happy dance! I feel like I've been spending tons of money, but in reality I haven't been serious shopping in over a year, and everything I've bought has been things I both need and that are practical. No buyers remorse here. The only remorse I've had this entire trip is that I'm eating way too much good food, but I will make up for it at the beginning of the new year. Got to have me something to resolve to do ;) Too much good food and being here too long. Its sad but I'm homesick for Kyiv. I haven't even been here a week, and I'm more than ready to go back. Get back to work, get back to my friends, get back to attempting to have some sort of routine. I wish I could be there to say goodbye to all of my dear friends who are leaving to go home while I'm here. My life is going to be awfully quiet for the next little while. Maybe this trip is just preparing me for that. If there's one thing I've had to get used to again while on this vacation, its been being alone. Not having someone handy to talk to about everything. I guess its time for me to relearn to be my own best friend :) Here's to the opportunities we're given to grow, become stronger, to be better. Cheers!